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angels-and-angles:

Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.

——

As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”

and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”

Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?

From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.

Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?

Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”

kingreason:

daniellemertina:

FYI,

not wanting to emphasize race, wanting to be color blind, not wanting to focus on racism in movements (like OWS and feminism for example), saying we all bleed red, or nobody’s life is perfect and we’re all oppressed, and etc.

is racism. It is trying to circumvent…

THIS. And also about gender, if you choose to ignore the oppression of women, trans* people and otherwise non binary non males, you’re being sexist.

alisdee:

Batman Arkham City: Behind Harley’s Hot Moves – YouTube.

If you didn’t get the “joke” in this before the end, you really need to watch more Really Real World women moving about (not in a creepy…

This past Thursday, a group of men started cat-calling/hitting on a group of women in Chicago.  When the women said, no, the men threw bottles and then SHOT at their car as they tried to drive away.  One woman was shot in the shoulder, and the driver took a bottle in the head as she tried to drive off.  Last month in Washington, DC a Transwoman was shot for turning down a man’s request for sex as she sat in her car.  In August a woman in Atlanta was shot for refusing to get in a car with a group of men.  In May of 2010 a young woman was shot in the leg for turning down a man’s advances.

Ok, so that was one googling, which also yielded an article on a woman in Australia who was shot in the thigh after refusing to perform oral sex.  Many people will claim that these are just “isolated” incidents.  But three of those took place in the last two, two and a half months.  That’s not really isolated, in fact, that sounds distinctly like a pattern.

When guys complain about women not giving them a straight answer, this is why.  Granted, these are fairly extreme.  However, on a regular basis women who turn down men, no matter how nicely, are insulted, yelled at, spit on, hit, kicked and knocked to the ground.  Most of these assaults go unreported because women know that the police aren’t going to take them seriously, particularly if they’re dressed at all nicely or “sexy.”

This is why the Schrodinger’s Rapist post resonated with so many women.

“Why are you afraid of women?” I asked a group of men.
“We’re afraid they’ll laugh at us,” replied the men.
“Why are you afraid of men?” I asked a group of women
“We’re afraid they’ll kill us,” replied the woman. -Margaret Atwood

When men ignore our boundaries, try to push or test them, we rightfully feel that they are a bigger risk for pushing even more important, dangerous boundaries, like say, raping or hitting you.

Yeah, I know, a lot of you are out there (if you’ve gotten this far) thinking, “That’s bullshit! I’d never do that!”  And maybe you wouldn’t, but we can’t take that chance.  And when you push boundaries or ignore our “No”s, even about small things,  this puts you higher and higher up on the risk scale.

We can’t take those chances because when we’re raped or assaulted it’s always our fault.  Everyone tells us so.  Every single person who says, “I’d never blame the victim, but if you’re wearing a short skirt, what do you expect?”  Every fucking magazine with their “Ten Things You Can Do to Not Be Raped” articles, that place all the onus on women, and none of it on, oh, the rapists.

How do you not scare women?

Respect their boundaries.  Take no at face value.  As a commenter said over on Pharyngula, you have nothing to lose:  If she meant no, you’ve respected her wishes.  If she meant “pursue me harder” or whatever bullshit, then bullet dodged.  You don’t want to deal with that kind of mind-game playing, anyway.

But in all seriousness, guys, if you ever wonder why women act like their scared of you, read the above links again.

(Source: gabrielleabelle)

(Source: lemdi)

typhotographer:

[REPOST] LOVE VS. SEX: A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn’t afraid because it was a small town and she…

1. Rape is not sex.
2. This god is supposed to have infinite power but would not stop a rapist from raping because the victim didn’t pray. Says a lot about this god character, doesn’t it?